Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
