R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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