I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
