I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
