I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
