Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
