Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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