Do you still have your period?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
