You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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