girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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