my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
