she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
