Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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