I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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