i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
