Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She told me I should be a condom model.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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