Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
