that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Small penises have feelings too.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
