You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
