The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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