i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
