I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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