I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
