i was born a porn star she said
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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