Old men and throwing up are my life now.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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