I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
