What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
