im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Let's get the cat blown out
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
