so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
