U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
