Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
