this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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