So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
