wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You need a sexual gate keeper
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
