One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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