I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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