My first STD was from a foam party
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
