my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
