so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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