i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
