"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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