I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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