I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
