if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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