There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
