I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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