girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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