So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
