I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
