her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
