Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
