he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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