were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
