FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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