Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
