just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
