I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
