he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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