so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
