Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
soo... how was my night?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
