The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
