we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
