Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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