My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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